GOAL TENDING 101
Listen to your soul's instructions,
listen to what will not be silenced,
pay attention to what resonates deeply,
trust Divine guidance,
and celebrate all the way!
A few days ago, I was nursing a funky stomach-bug-cold-ish thing and reflecting on my "goals"…those lists we make, the images on a vision boards, the "one day"s, "someday's" and the "if only"s, The Future that is out there somewhere waiting patiently for me to "find the time, get the money, get caught up on housework, bills, education," and somehow get a handle on the other endless tugs at my person. The TV was off and I was vaguely aware of birdsong and the gentle warm breeze that was flowing through the open window.
I was berating myself for having mastered the skill of back-burnering that allows me to rationalize another day going by where I have not given one drop of water to the seeds of my passions. As I allowed that disappointment to sink in, I wandered into the breakfast room and checked on the babies. The babies are tiny organic seedlings that are growing in the window there: Aramanth, calendula, yellow and black cherry tomatoes, sage, purple basil, jalapenos, cow peas, and echinacea. I watered them and made a note of how they lean toward the sunlight with every thing that they have. They work toward their mission every minute of every day.
I considered how comfortable I am with the state of wanting. I want my work to reflect my life and vice versa but its sometimes as if there is a tangible forcefield around me in the wanting state, keeping me from the state of actualization…if…I…could…just…step…through…to…the…other…side. I have admitted and acknowledged that I am the forcefield, I am the force holding me steadfastly in place.
This day I was determined to create some actual action steps that could help me find the wrinkle that I could slip through. As I pondered what I could possibly do about "the force," I went into the kitchen and got what was left of a rotisserie chicken out of the fridge. I took all the remaining meat off of the bones and set it aside. I placed them in my big soup pot along with onions, carrots, celery, smashed cloves of garlic, bay leaves, red pepper flakes, and coriander seeds and set it on the stove for a day's simmer into a healing broth.
I flopped back on the couch and started leafing back through past journal entries, all those prayers for me to get "it" together, that my kids get/stay on track, to be responsible with my decisions and resources, to serve my community to best of my ability, to align my life with my values of a simplicity, environmental responsibility, lo-hi tech balance …and I'm shaking my head and saying, 'when is all this supposed to happen?' I'm interrupted from this thought train by my son coming in to excitedly share what he has been learning in media arts class, a pleasant jumble of his first broadcast experience, lights, gels, the history of the blue screen, and how to wind cables correctly. He is smiling, he is feeling good about himself and shared that he sees how this connects to a bigger picture.
I know that I am procrastinating…I am supposed to be putting together an order for herbs and supplies for making the medicinal tinctures, salves, and butters that I have been doing for the past few months thanks to the skill shares that
have been holding at the Commons (such as
). But you know, I'm really stuck on this goal thing.
And, since I also say I want to be a writer, among all the other goals, I wondered why is it so hard to actually sit down and write something? I know that I need to develop this habit just like a muscle and the only way to do it is to actually do it. By taking little steps that place myself in goal-related situations of accountability so more goal-momentum is created. I know I need to actively deconstructing the framework I have had about "work" and "goals" and reconstruct them one action at a time, toward wildcrafting a life of love.
But what I hadn't done is entertain the possibility that I might just quite possibly BE LIVING my goals, be INSIDE of my goals presently, that I am THERE. "There" in this case is not a precise location unless "in process" is a precise location. I might have been wrinkling the force field all along. That the majority of these timelines and notions of success and failure are of my own making…which is what really needs to be deconstructed and remade because when I shift the lens to possibility and accomplishment, I see that the Universe has been dragging me, kicking and screaming, toward my goals. I see that journaling, vision-boarding, and goal-related accountability challenges (where I force myself to commit publicly by taking on a task or joining a committee or class about something I say I want to realize as a goal) are the archipelago. States that exist unto themselves as manifestations of what I had mistakenly thought was "out there somewhere in the future".
I realized that, somehow over the years, growing my own herbs and food, cooking from scratch, healing myself and family with natural alternatives, taking breaks from technology, writing, making art, and creating and being in community moved from the wishful pages of my journals and off of the visions boards into reality. The past compromises of work and the conflicts of home have lessened as I gradually was able to bring my whole self into my work and home life. That each are fundamental extensions of the other. I used to subscribe to the theory "a goal is just a dream with a deadline," but now I feel as if I missed acknowledging the many ways I have been slowly manifesting my mission and passions. That deadline thing can get in the way of celebrating the process of change. I have to remind myself, that the first, most important step I took was to listen. Listen to my soul's instructions, listen to what would not be silenced, paid attention to what resonated deeply, trusted that opening myself up to Divine guidance and the Divine Feminine would order my steps toward a life of love, joy, integrity, and authenticity.
I have to take time to remind myself of the blessings of having loved ones that support these values, a workplace that supports these values, and of the power to co-create reality with a Universe that is not trapped in deadlines…that sees every moment as being Divine. And although it's an unfamiliar feeling amid stresses, crises, and the never-ending tugs at my person, I just have to get used to the fact that my life thus far IS evidence of goals attained and to celebrate that fact every chance I get.
This post was inspired from the
We are mothers, caretakers – people who lead full lives and can bring themselves completely into their work. We are
these things in addition to our work – it is why we do the work we do."